Freak of the Week Interview #2: Bug Boy
by koalabear
Summary: Next in Chloe's series of interviews with Freaks of the Week


Freak of the Week Interview #2: Bug Boy 

[Definite spoiler warnings guys.] 

**Chloe:** _[into the tape recorder]_ Chloe Sullivan here. The next in The Torch's series of interviews with the Freak of the Week is Greg Arkin, known as the bug boy. I'd just like to say from the outset that I'm not holding any hard feelings against Bug Boy just because is my former science reporter and he kind of went AWOL on me in my time of need - leaving me to have to deal with a bunch of irate science nerds who were furious that I had to discontinue the series: _"The Nine Sex Lives of the Preying Mantis". _

I can be professional about these things. OK, let's start the interview. Prior to being involved in a super bizarre accident involving meteorite affected bugs, Greg here was just your average bug loving teen with an obsession with Lana Lang. As an aside, I agree with the perplexed emails that The Torch receives – is there anyone in this leafy hamlet who is _NOT_ obsessed with the lovely Lana?

As many of you will recall, Greg was apparently extremely squashed by a large piece of metal in the old foundry.  As a consequence, he was scattered into a thousand bugs. As you can imagine, it was extremely difficult to locate one of these bugs for the purpose of conducting this interview. Fortunately, Pete was quite persistent and located one of the bugs who hadn't been eaten by a passing bird and we are joined today by a piece of what used to be Bug Boy. He is communicating to us via a sophisticated mechanism devised by The Torch which consists of morse code signals deciphered by this little machine here when Bug Boy taps his antenna. Understandably, the interview might be a little slow as we wait for responses.

Now – Bug Boy, my first question is this …. Yes?

**BB: **On behalf of the other 'freaks' I'd like to clarify that we prefer the name – _"Meteor Affected Smallville Local of the Week"_ rather than _"Freak of the Week"_.

**Chloe: **That's too long – besides, not all of you are from Smallville.

**BB: **Good point.

**Chloe: **Do you think that the meteor affected bugs were really responsible for your newfound "eat, moult, mate, die" life cycle philosophy of life or are you just a somewhat sad and gullible Gen X creature who has been watching too much MTV? In short – are you a Nirvana fan???

**BB: **One, I'm way too young to be Gen X. I think I'd be Gen Y, and yes Chloe, I think that being in a traumatic car accident and being stung repeatedly by thousands of meteor affected insects in a small car while I was screaming in agony while suffused by an eerie green glow was largely responsible for my new outlook on life.

**Chloe: **But you were already kind of a freak before hand weren't you? I remember the time when I found a spider behind the photocopier and you wouldn't let me kill it. You were positively Gandhi about the whole thing.

**BB: **My time is kind of precious Chloe – can we move this along? The life cycle of bug is pretty short.

**Chloe: **Lots of people have problems with their parents. You know, they can be a pain but you took retaliation to an extreme …. What made you decide to trap your mom in a web and kill her?

**BB: **She was always riding on me, she was going to send me to military school and let's face it, I was hungry.

**Chloe: **The "bug psychology" made me do it won't really hold up in a court of law, Bug Boy.

**BB: **Well it's not like they're likely to press charges against an insect anyway, Chloe.

**Chloe: **Good point. So when your mom bugged you, you spun her in a web, killed her and were possibly intending to eat her. Let's move onto Lana, first of all you try to BBQ her boyfriend and then, you web Lana in that icky white stuff and stick her in a tree. I don't care what those bugs did to you – there is no way that in any one's book that that's going to be the way to a girl's heart. Chocolates and flowers may be clichéd, but the old "_I rented out a whole cinema just for you_" trick can work, as can the moonlit walk. In short – what were you thinking?

**BB: **My motivations were primal and instinctive.

**Chloe: **You could have asked her out for coffee. I shudder to think of what your concept of a first date would have been like. Anyway, you battled in the foundry and then something really heavy fell on you and your evil intentions were thwarted. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not purporting to be like a bug expert or anything, but when you squash a bug – doesn't it kind of just squash into gooey stuff rather than scattering into thousands of bugs?

**BB: **It just happened. The whole incident was kind of a blur and very traumatic so you'll forgive me if I can't give you a blow by blow description of what happened. All I know is that Clark was there and he was really pissing me off.

**Chloe: **Look, before you go, and I really appreciate you taking the time to come in tonight, seriously – do you have any idea if you had any other instalments of _"The Nine Sex Lives of the Preying Mantis"_ written? I could go to your house and find them if you just tell me where to look …. Oswald Kramer is driving me nuts with his abusive emails, demanding the next chapter …….. oh, Pete – can you come in here? _[into the tape recorder]_ Sorry guys, it looks as if we've definitely gone over time. Bug Boy's life span has ended and so has the interview. Next week, we'll interview Coach Walt who was a flaming lunatic. 


End file.
